


WARNE,

by unintelligiblescreaming



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Halloween upd8, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Snapchat upd8, Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff - Freeform, that Geromy costume
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-01
Updated: 2016-11-01
Packaged: 2018-08-28 08:37:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8438794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unintelligiblescreaming/pseuds/unintelligiblescreaming
Summary: "i like to think that karkat was just like “THIS IS STUPID, I’M NOT DRESSING UP” and dave’s like “okay cool” and karkat’s like “…REALLY?” and dave’s like “sure dude” and then on october 31st all of karkat’s shirts just happen to be dyed yellow. dave refuses to accept the blame but everyone knows the truth"I wrote a dumb text post. Then I wrote a dumb fic.





	

**Author's Note:**

> will homestuck ever end??? we just dont know

“Hollow-een,” says Karkat doubtfully. “Where you’re supposed to dress up in scary clothing to alarm young wrigglers and arrive on innocent bystanders’ doorsteps to demand candy.”  
  
Dave nods.  
  
“And this was a regular tradition on old Earth.”  
  
Dave nods again. “Yeah, but it doesn’t have to be scary, lots of people go as something funny or as characters from things they like.”  
  
“So it’s an elaborate excuse to cosplay in public.”  
  
“What? No, no, it’s not cosplay. It’s just. It’s just Halloween. You know what I’m saying?”  
  
“I know that the last time you were this inarticulate, you were trying to explain why it was significant that Kanaya tossed me the bouquet at the wedding.”  
  
Dave nods again. “Yeah. Basically. What I’m saying is. Couples costume?”  
  
…yeah, he suspected that. “There are many things I will do for you and your annoying fucking face, but public cosplay and/or cosplay where Rose Lalonde can see me is not one of them.”  
  
“Karkat,” says Dave. “Karkles. Karkitty. Fuck we never sorted out any cute nicknames did we and now I’m stuck with all the shit that other people call you. Fuck. I fucked up. Just pretend that was cute and heartwarming okay, because I _need_ this. You don’t understand. Dirk and I are going to be Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff and we need a Geromy.”  
  
Karkat has read every SBaHJ comic that Dave has produced, as well as watched every movie and investigated every cranny of Alpha Dave’s SBaHJ-related works, mostly out a misplaced sense of romantic connection. It is very Dave, and Karkat appreciates it for its Dave-ness. He will not, however, stoop so low as to pretend be a SBaHJ character. “No. No! Read my lips. N. O. Fuck no. Our universe will be subsumed into another Game before that ever happens.”  
  
“But. Karkat. We need it. This is a necessity. We need it like pizza needs pepperoni, otherwise it’s just a flat, triangle-shaped cheese wedge with bread and who the fuck needs that shit in their life.”  
  
“Then this particular pizza can continue to be a perfectly respectable cheese wedge! No, I will not dress up as your goddamn yellow character for human Halloween!”  
  
Dave is silent for a moment. Then he says, “Okay.”  
  
“…Really?”  
  
“Sure, dude,” says Dave. “You know, you look kind of tired. You should go take a bath or something.”  
  
Karkat’s eyebrows shoot up. They shoot so far up they might as well ricochet off the ceiling lamp. “A bath.”  
  
“A nice, long, warm bath. Here, I’ll even fill the tub up for you.”  
  
“This is leading up to a shenanigan, isn’t it.”  
  
“I’m hurt, bro,” says Dave. “Wounded like a bullet to the lung. Tell you what, I’ll get Kanaya and she can do all the arrangements. You trust Kanaya, right?”  
  
This is still extremely suspicious, but Karkat figures he’s pretty much doomed to fall right into whatever’s coming for him. And Kanaya, he’s sure, is a sensible, reasonable person who would completely deter the more embarrassing side effects of whatever Dave has planned. “Yeah, sure, whatever,” he mutters. “She can draw me a fucking body soak experience.”  
  
Fifteen minutes later, Kanaya is ringing on the doorbell.  
  
Karkat yanks the door open angrily and she smiles pleasantly at him. She’s holding several unidentified bottles in her hands, which she quickly captchalogues the moment she sees him looking.  
  
“What was that.”  
  
“That? Oh, that was… bubble making substance. Yes. That is what they are.”  
  
Five minutes after that, Karkat is being gently led into the bathroom, where Dave has already gotten the bathtub half-filled. Karkat swipes a finger through the water and sniffs cautiously, but it just seems like regular water.  
  
Meanwhile, Kanaya is having a quiet, murmured conversation with Dave behind his back. When he turns and scowls at them, Kanaya smiles and says, “You may get undressed now! We will get out of here, and when you are done you can open it slightly to push your dirty clothes through, and I will deliver your clean set of clothes when you are done.”  
  
“Why can’t I just—”  
  
“Not now Karkat, I am taking care of your body soak experience for this evening,” says Kanaya. She pushes Karkat backward into the bathroom, grabs Dave by the collar, and slams the door.  
  
“I know where this is going,” says Karkat out loud, and hears Dave’s muffled “oh shit” in response. There’s the sound of someone walking down the stairs, and then silence.  
  
He stares at the door for a minute. Then he stares at the bath, which is, indeed, invitingly warm, even if he is completely aware that it’s no more than hastily made trap. Whatever—Dave’s force-Karkat-to-wear-Geromy-cosplay plan has a primary flaw, and enjoying the bath in the meantime seems like a harmless indulgence. After all, he can just not give Kanaya his clothing, can’t he? He can wear dirty clothing. It’s not like he hasn’t been wearing this shirt for the past week or so anyways. He sheds his clothes and drops into the bathtub.  
  
The warmth is so nice. It seeps into his bones, and he lets out a sigh. It’s so nice that he’s almost falling asleep, and as Dave knows, his ultimate weakness is his inability to stay alert when…  
  
There’s a faint rattling sound for a minute, and then a _click_. Karkat registers it as the click of a lock being picked and jolts upward with a slosh, just as Dave blurs into the bathroom and blurs out again, clothing in hand, leaving behind a noticeably yellow replacement.  
  
Karkat stomps out of the bath, enraged and dripping wet, and dries off in record time. “You fucking asshole!” he shouts.  
  
“Sacrifices were made,” Dave shouts back.  
  
“And Maryam, I cannot fucking _believe_ you are in on this! You were the last bastion of reason, Kanaya, how could you _do_ this?”  
  
Fuck it, both of them have seen Karkat’s naked ass at one point or another. He opens the door and marches out. “Ha! Fuck you both! No cosplay for me, because I have an entire wardrobe of completely normal—” He opens the door to his respiteblock. “—clothing!”  
  
Except.  
  
Except his entire wardrobe has been emptied onto the floor, and every single bit of it has been carefully tailored and dyed into a Geromy costume.  
  
Karkat stands there, jaw dropped, bare-ass nude and dripping water onto the carpet. “…Kanaya. You used your time powers so that Kanaya could fucking redo my wardrobe for fucking Halloween.”  
  
“Basically,” says Dave, coming up behind him. “Great view, by the way.”  
  
He turns the full force of his glare on him. “You’ve seen me naked on multiple occasions, one hundred percent of them more pleasurable than this.”  
  
“Two hours,” Dave says. “Two hours in a SBaHJ with me and Dirk. That’s all I’m asking here. The kiddies will love it, you know they will.”  
  
“I think exposing them to the awful mess you call ‘irony’ is the worst thing you’ve ever done as ruler of this kingdom. And I can’t believe you conned Kanaya into doing this.”  
  
There’s a delicate cough, and Karkat glances over to see that she is covering her eyes politely. “I owed him a favor. Although I did find that using time travel to amplify my tailoring abilities was a fun pastime. The correct response to this is a ‘fist-bump’, yes?”  
  
“Heck yes,” says Dave. They fist-bump.

**Author's Note:**

> this is also posted on [tumblr](http://unintelligible-screaming.tumblr.com/post/152579810372/unintelligible-screaming-i-like-to-think-that) btw


End file.
